saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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