spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
