Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
