i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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