I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize