I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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