Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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