she told me i tasted like america
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
