It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
