remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
