She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sacagawea was the original milf.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
