Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
