ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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