We won't sleep together?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
