could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
