Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i now understand why vodka
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
