just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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