Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she smelled like a LAN party
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i came on her dog
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
