In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
