ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
