he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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