That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
