i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
