I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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