How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
