Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We're too hungover to prance.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
