dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
