We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
bring money and cleavage
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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