Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
