So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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