official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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