would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
