'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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