I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
