Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
