Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
