At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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