I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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