ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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