The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
