Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
