I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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