i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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