You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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