That's intense
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize