And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
