3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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