in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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