no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
