pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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