we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
