It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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