I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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