i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize