you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize