Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I touched a dick in church today
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
