And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
