This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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