sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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