Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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