well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
