Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
