if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
