How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
