you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
