If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
