if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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