and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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