i jhust puked up my retainher.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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