Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize