Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
