I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize