a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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