Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize