He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
