If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
