i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
