omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
