proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Randomize
