We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
