I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
