You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
